Thursday, September 1, 2016

First Day of Preschool

I have a child big enough to go to (pre)school!
Wasn't she born yesterday?

Marlee Jo had her first day of preschool today and all the nervous build up was for nothing. She did amazing. I knew she would but I was selfishly more worried about myself. Marlee is rarely away from me. And I mean rarely. Neither of my children are. Being a stay at home working mom (like that?), we do everything together. We play together, eat together, shop together, I get her dressed, brush her teeth, help her when she falls, make her chocolate milk, and the list continues. Working midnights allows me to stay at home with them while Nick is at work and not miss out on anything going on. 

So with school fast approaching, I was nervous. 
What if she didn't like it? 
What if she missed me? 
What if she fell down? 
Would her teacher kiss her boo-boo? 
What if she was hungry and didn't like the snack they served? 
Would she be nice to everyone? 
What if someone was mean to her!?
Are there little toilets? 
Who will help her if she can't reach the toilet?

I mean seriously? Can I just stay with her a day? Or two?

Marlee on the other hand was so excited. I mean she has been talking about this day for months. She is so smart and I was sure that she would do wonderfully. I was excited for her to be around other little kids. She needs that socialization. 

So today, off she went to school. Her book bag was as big as her. She is barely big enough to wear her own book bag! I dropped her off, gave her a big hug, and told her that I would be back later. She hung her name on the chart, letting her teacher know that she was there, and off I went. I did it! No tears or anything. And then I started to think. Should I have stayed a little longer? What did she do after that? I should have helped her find a seat. OMG what is my baby doing now?

But no tears. I did not cry. I just panicked a bit. At home, Nicky was still pouting over his sister leaving the house and he did not go with her. We did some coloring and some laundry to pass the time. Finally, it was time for Marlee to come home!

We stood in line waiting for the teacher to dismiss Marlee. The second she saw us, she ran into my arms. She was so happy to see me! And I was so happy to see her. My nose started to tingle with that awful feeling you get right before your eyes fill up with tears. We bolted out of there right away!

Marlee was so excited to tell me all about her day. They played in the big gym and picked out shapes. She said she has a new friend who is a "girl with a pink shirt." They ate pretzels for snack and drank orange juice. The teacher read them a book and they even sorted gummy bears! She had an amazing time. 

And the ugly cry started. I don't even know why. She did all of these amazingly fun things and I missed it. I did not get to see her play in the gym or sort gummy bears. I didn't get to meet her new friend. I still don't know if everyone was nice to her or if she was able to use the potty without help. I need a detailed update teacher lady! 

Then we got lunch. 
I am a crazy person. I already know this. I didn't need the first day of preschool to tell me this. I just love my little beans. I like to share in all the things they do. I love to see them grow and laugh and learn. I missed today. And today won't be the only day. They will continue to grow and have experiences without me. Eventually she will be starting high school and getting on and off the potty will be the least of my worries. This is the worst part about being a mom. It's not the temper tantrums or being up all night with a crying baby. It's not lunch time when they refuse to eat chicken nuggets, even though they said they wanted chicken nuggets. It's not cleaning up toys off the floor every. single. day. It's letting go. Trusting others to watch over them. Trusting them to be kind and caring to others. It's hard. And it's sad. 

Once we were home, I laid Nicky down for a nap and I sat and talked to Marlee some more. She talked and talked about school. She cannot wait to go back. I gave her the biggest hug. Possibly too big and long of a hug because she whispered "Can I go play with my OhDoe now?" while I was still hugging her. So now she gets an hour of quiet time while Nicky sleeps and I can catch up on laundry. 

Next Tuesday is her next day and and I think I am more prepared.
Hopefully I got all the ugly crying out of the way! 

Another milestone down. You can stop growing any day Marlee!