Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Times have Changed

I have never been so relieved in my life to receive my Cosmopolitan magazine.

This is my last one and I am extremely happy to say that subscription is over. I thought two years ago that doing the special -buy one, get one free- yearly subscription was a steal! I loved reading these magazines and how can you not love free? And two whole years - score!

Well it is hard to love free when even the sight of these magazines make you cringe. There is nothing in these magazines that appeal to me anymore. Which is so bizarre! Two years ago, I would read them from cover to cover. I would literally prepare a whole day to just sitting and reading. Has that much changed in two years? Am I aging faster then I should be? 

Don't get me wrong. I have not subscribed to Parenting magazine, Vanity Fair, or Grandma monthly yet.

But I would probably have more in common with these magazines then Cosmo. 

Let's go back to Decembers issue. First off, Miley Cyrus was on the cover and the highlighted article was to 'Eat, Drink, and Twerk Your Ass Off!'. It was all about holiday parties and 'Sexy Looks to Try Tonight.' I am not sure about you, but my holiday parties generally always consist of family and twerking at grandmas is not permitted. And looking sexy is not on my to do list either. It is a good day if I have a freaking bra on. If these articles didn't appeal to you, you can always turn to pg. 133 and figure out 'What People Say Behind Your Back'. Pshhh I gave up carrying about that a long time ago. 

I was really hoping December was the last issue to be piled in my bathroom, but it continued. January's issue featured Lauren Conrad and 'Getting Past the Haters.' The haters? Is she even relevant anymore. And all my 'haters' are nonexistent. Sorry Lauren but I have no interest in you or the floral miniskirt you have on. But wait! A 16 page 'Bedside Astrologer' is included! All I am going to say is the Couch Canoodle is not happening...

Last but not least, February is my last issue! I will say that I did recognize Ariana Grande from one of the shows Isaac watches on either Nick or Disney. She plays a ridiculously ditsy girl and has outrageously, amazing hair. At first glance, I thought this issue could possibly have a couple articles that I could read. 'Stand Out at Work', 'The Bikini Body Plan', and 'Saving Tricks' seemed simple enough to relate to my life. They sucked. And then I stumbled upon 'The One Thing You Must Never Do With a Guy'. It was an article all about getting a prenup! A freaking prenup! Apparently you should never get married without one because having to pay alimony to your ex-husband should be on the top of my list of concerns. I never, ever, ever considered a prenup. Kind of a negative foreshadowing for the future isn't it? Pretty much saying 'I want to be with you forever and really think we will make it butttt just in case we don't last, will you sign this saying you won't take half of our crap?'. Glad we ended on a positive note Cosmo. 

The last thing I want to do is hate on Cosmo but it is just not fitting with my life anymore. So goodbye Cosmo!

I guess if I made my own magazine, some of the featured articles would be as follows.

How to Convince Your Husband that Folding Clothes is Fun
Taking the Evil Out of Stepmother
Training the Boys in the House to Not Pee on the Seat
Having Friends and Actually Having Time to See Them
Getting Ready While Holding a Screaming Child
Quick Dinners Other then Grilled Cheese

Re-reading those actually made me feel pretty pathetic. Pretty sure I should subscribe to Grandmas monthly. Oh well. Nick, Isaac, Marlee, food. Pretty much sums up my interests. 

So what kind of magazines do you read? Anything worth actually subscribing too? Help a late-twenty something girl out!

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